[Verse] I have a shirt that says I did a triathlon People ask about it when I have it on I tell ’em that I put in work and I went hard When I really couldn’t even tell you what the three events are But somebody did train I can tell by the sweat and blood stains that cover this Hanes I got it at Goodwill with less effort But didn’t get that feeling of pride from said shirt I got a gold record hanging on my wall It looks pretty nice with the frame and all I wonder where they got all the parts and glass Probably at Michael’s Arts and Crafts The gold record sized hole in my heart’s been patched And now I have no desires or attachment I’m a fully formed truly enlightened perfect me ‘Cause I sold a bunch of songs ten years ago in Germany A cake for another year of being here Another cake for another year with no beer I’m getting fat from these sweet congrats When you’re truly partying hard you never see no party hats Many an actor who has won an Oscar Will never get a fake Oscar statuette that reads \”World’s Greatest Father\” I played soccer as a kid The trophies that I won, I don’t know where they’re located If I had ’em, I would stare at ’em And make my son stare at ’em too before his soccer practice I’ll teach him everything about soccer that I’ve ever known In hopes that one day he’ll get a trophy of his own Don’t get me wrong, I don’t teach him for the love I do it for the \”World’s Greatest Teacher\” coffee mug The one that holds the drug that awakes me in the morning And keeps me from jumping off the fu*king Coronado Bridge with zero warning My daughter isn’t great at math It’s not her favorite class, still she found a way to pass She went to school all summer for that I want a sticker on my bumper for that I want a sticker that says \”My daughter didn’t make the honor roll She’s more of the creative type and good grades are not her goal\” Below that it would say \”If you’re still reading this This sticker and this song are both meaningless\” I don’t even have no freaking kids All I have is time and it’s running out faster than Bo Jackson in his prime The references I make in my speeches will soon be lost To anyone who’s younger than me, even my boss It’s hard to find words of encouragement Even harder to find courage in this world we’re in Easier to go on Amazon and search for it Congratulatory trinkets, they’re experts in ’em Thank you for your thirty years of service, here’s a pen It’s not like average pens, it’s heavier than them It writes excellent, I’d suggest you make the best of it The perfect pen with which to sign your last will and testament I lost my arms in the war, s*it’s hard But the purple heart came with a Starbucks gift card I’m gonna get a well-deserved treat And lift the cup to my face with my feet I lift the cup to my face with my feet Ooh, I lift the cup to my face with my feet Yeah, I lift the cup up to my face with my fu*king feet I lift the cup up to my face with my feet Lift the cup up to my face with my feet I lift the cup up to my face with my feet. Congratulatory Trinkets lyrics – Wax : Get lyrics and music video of this beautiful song here on LyricsBull.com
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